Preface- Writing My Story

Starting to write a story is the most difficult part. It's hard enough to find the right words, let alone find words that would make a good story.

Writing my OWN story, now that is a really big challenge. Well, at least for me. Making it a good story that would captivate readers is one thing, but doing this would also mean, showing my ignorance, stupidity, and everything else that could possibly lead to my own humiliation. I mean, nobody wants to be humiliated after all, and the idea of embarrassing myself makes me think twice whether i should even continue with this or not.

Although humiliation is just one factor, I guess what I'm more afraid of, is what my own story could reveal to me. Writing about my experience would open up old wounds. The worst part about it is, reading my own story about my relationship, only to realize that all the warning signs of it failing, were there all along, and I chose to ignore it, and it's all because I was blinded by my feelings or too naive, or ignorant or just simply stupid to even see what was actually going on.

I have always seen myself as a person who is rational, cautious, and someone who always thinks things through before getting involved with anything or anyone. But somehow, I let my emotions take over me, and it pains me to know that I have lost control of myself, like driving a car, and letting someone else get a hold of the stirring wheel, only to end up in a fatal car crash. Oh God.

Now that I think about it, there is really nothing good that can come out of this.

Except for one thing.

Knowing that I can write about myself (in spite of all the humiliation I could possibly go through) will be a big accomplishment for me. Why? Because having all this secrets and emotions bottled up inside isn't doing me any good either.

The way I see it, I have only two choices. Either I keep my story to myself, save myself from humiliation and still wonder all my life what went wrong, OR I could write about myself, and see my own story unfold in front of me, and hopefully find the answers. Knowing myself, I know I won't be able to move on, without having any answers. Maybe this way, I can get what I need, and I will be able to let go of my past.

Maybe after all this, I still wont have the answers I want. But at least, (I hope) it would end up as a good story to read.