Part 5: "Benimle Evlenirmisin?"

I think I may have made a bad impression about Ibo. (FYI, Ibo isn't really his name. It isn't Ibrahim either. Ibo is a nickname his mom and closest friends used to call him. I'm tempted, at times, to write down his real name here, but for his sake, and for the sake of the people involved, I thought it best not to.)

Drama, cutting me up and stuff... yes, it all sounds kinda bad really, but knowing him at the time, he wasn't that bad at all. I did love him for a reason, but we haven't reached that part of the story yet. So let's just pace ourselves before we make any conclusions. :P After all, I'm still trying to find answers on what happened to us, to me. Let's just wait for the story to unfold. :P

I don't really know how I can start this part of my story, but here goes...

A month had already passed since we began talking. We already had our routine. I would be online at around 3 pm at my time, and he would be online around, 12:00, Turkish time. He will go to the internet cafe, and I went online at home, and whenever he says he misses me and wanted to see me, I would go to the internet cafe as well since I didn't have a webcam at home back then. ( My dad wouldn't let me buy one. That's another story... :P) Our conversations were interrupted for a few minutes if he had to go to the WC, or if he had to go out and buy himself lunch and get back in front of the PC and watch him eat in front of me. I knew he was only watching me because he was making sure that I was watching him only as well, and we'd both smile and laugh at each other even for this brief moment. If he had work in the restaurant, he would send me a text message that he couldn't come. Apparently, I wasn't allowed to be online too, if he was not. So I wasn't online if he wasn't. (sometimes... :P) There were times that even if we had spoken during the day, he would be online again at night, and would send me a text message to come. We spent almost all day and night talking to each other (6 hours tops sometimes... :P) I spent a lot of money for credit on my phone. We often text each other, call was kinda hard because his English wasn't the best at the time. But his English was definitely improving. He wasn't using the dictionary as often as he did before, which meant he definitely was learning, and that made it easier for me, since I didn't have to use an online Turkish translation thingy to understand what he was saying. His English still wasn't the best, and my friends who talked with him still had a hard time understanding him. But I guess, I was so used to talking to him, that even if others didn't understand him, I did.

The first person in my family that he spoke with was my aunt. And then after that, my friends, my cousins, my brothers, and finally, my mom. That was a night to remember. I can see it in his eyes, his face was turning red, he would wipe his forehead, run his hand around his neck.

"Are you nervous?"
He had this awkward smile and answered "Yes."

I didn't think it was such a big deal. It's not like they're meeting each other face to face or something. But the moment he admitted he was nervous, I started to think, what is this guy really thinking? or even feeling for me? Yes, we were kinda in a relationship... sort of. But I never really thought that he would be this serious. Is he really? I really didn't know. I wasn't so sure. Until my mom started to talk with him.

Things started out lightly, until the questions started flying.

"What do you like about my daughter?"

He's face was turning really red, and started to sweat a lot. (But then again, it was hot in Turkey... :P Yes, I know, I'm trying to find excuses, but really what do you think? )

"She's very intelligent. She's sweet, she's kind, she's a very good person, and I can see she has a pure heart. I love her."

I don't know where he's getting all this. Maybe he's saying it because it's the right answer? Maybe he was saying it because it was really what he thinks of me. But no matter how hard I try to think of reasons he is saying these, I couldn't believe he was saying all these things to my mom. They continued to speak for a while, until it was my turn to speak with him. As soon as my mom stood up, and I was about to sit down, I realized he was still writing something to my mom, which she never got to see.

"I love your daughter, and I want to marry her."

My heart started to raise. Oh my God, it was pounding so fast, This never happened to me before. I didn't know why I was the one sweating now, and I shouldn't even be sweating because it was damn cold that night. But I was. So many thoughts were rushing through my mind. Should I show this to my mom? After all the message was directed to her.

I started typing, and told him that it was me he was speaking with now. He then smiled that gorgeous perfect smile of his and asked me.

"What did your mom say? I really love you, will you marry me?"

How was I suppose to answer this? Am I supposed to answer yes? Was it the right time to say yes? Do I really want to say yes? What I knew is that I didn't want to say NO either. Those few seconds felt like hours, I guess he felt the same way, waiting for my answer. My mom was walking closer towards me, and I'm not sure if I want her to see what he wrote, or what I was about to say.

"Yes."

and I closed our conversation box. His cam closed at the same time. I wasn't sure if he knew what I was thinking, or feeling, or what was happening at that moment.

"What happened? Why did you close my cam?"
"My mom told me it's getting late, and I have to go to bed."
"Ok. Sweet dreams bebeğim, I love you."
"I love you too. Bye."

My mom needed to use our PC, so I finally closed my msn and went to bed. After all, that was what I said to Ibo. Lying in my bed, I was trying to replay everything in my mind, every word of that conversation that we had, and what he was supposed to say to my mom. Was that the reason why he looked so nervous? Did he really mean what he said? Should I tell this to my mom? A part of me wanted to, but then thinking things over, I was only 19, and he 21, I sorta knew how my mom would probably react.

What I kept on thinking about was my answer. I said yes. There's no explanation or excuse for it. I said yes. I said yes, and ended our conversation. What could he be thinking? Does he know that my mom never saw what he wrote? or what I said?
I said yes and ended our conversation. Doesn't he feel suspicious how I ended our conversation that night? I have so many questions in my mind, but somehow I feel relieved. I felt good about my answer, even though I wasn't so sure why I said it. This feeling, was so... different. Really different.

I fell asleep. I woke up the next day feeling really.... hmmmm... really really good. (Good is an understatement but how can I define what I was feeling inside with one simple word? ) But somehow, all throughout the day I guess I was still thinking if HE was thinking about how our conversation finished that night. I said yes, and said goodbye. There were a lot of things in my mind, I could only imagine what was going through his mind. It was mid-afternoon, and his text message answered that question for me.

He sent me a text message, only this time he wrote in Turkish.
May 12, 2007. I would never forget that day...

"Benimle evlenirmisin?"